Anam Cara , the Soul Friend

For Friendship

May you be blessed with good friends,
And learn to be a good friend yourself,
Journeying to that place in your soul where
There is love, warmth and feeling.
May this change you.

May it transfigure what is negative, distant,
Or cold within your heart.

May you be brought into real passion, kindness,
And belonging.

May you treasure your friends.
May you be good to them, be there for them
And receive all the challenges, truth, and
light you need.

May you never be isolated but know the embrace
Of your anam cara.

An excerpt from John O'Donohue's
"To Bless The Space Between Us"
A Book of Blessings

My wish for you this day is a day of embracing
your Anam Cara...Soul blessings within and
soul blessings without!

A'HO!

Embracing...

I don't think embracing change is ever
easy for any of us.  At least in my
experience that is certainly true...
We embrace what seems on the surface
to be working for us, as what should
always be the case, and then wham!
Some 'thing' comes along and changes
that perspective all up and suddenly
we are pitched headlong into denial,
self-doubt, questioning our intuition,
and I keep asking myself why I do
that?

Since last Saturday my guts have been
churning as Firekeeper had to go with
his Dad for Springbreak.  Order of the
court.  Why God, why God, why God?
I keep asking myself that question over
and over and over again.  This isn't
even fair to allow this child to be in a
place that in the past has not served
him at all.  It has been painful, scary,
emotional, abusive, and yet we have
to follow the law of the land.  Why God,
why God, WHY GOD?  Justice is blind!

So okay...yesterday Firekeeper had to
go to his appointed time with his
doctor/therapist/psychologist whatever,
and he has always been taken by my
Daughter...his Momma...but THE FATHER
then decided now HE was going to take
him?  HUH?  What is up with that?  I had
to take huge gulps of air....

After stepping back I heard in my soul...
'isn't this what you have been praying
for?'  You wanted this relationship to
heal in all areas...and still there is
doubt.  Why?  Because in the past
whenever THE FATHER made moves
like this and I would pray, it never was
about his son...it was about him exerting
more control and him playing the game
to get what HE WANTS.  He always
would fall into the proverbial pile of
chit and come out the victor and
Firekeeper and the rest of us would be
left holding the bag, scratching our heads
as we walked away, with war wounds
once again, and crying from the depths
of our souls....so right now I feel like
the dangling participle...

I believe that all prayer is answered.
I believe it may not be the way I
would like to see it happen.  I know
that.  The bigger question for me now
is do I believe that THE FATHER has
Firekeeper's best interest at heart?
Not only no, but HELL NO!  His history
refutes it.  Can people change their
life stripes?  Yes...do I think he will
change his?  I hope...get that?  HOPE
he will open his eyes and truly see,
hear with his ears and truly hear,
feel with his heart and truly feel,
embrace with his heart, apply with his
heart, the Love he should have been
giving this precious child all along. 
We
shall
see ....

In the meantime I am still crying on
the inside, as my heart hurts for my
Grandson...but HOPE still remains in
me.  I want more than anything total
and absolute healing for my family
and for THE FATHER and his family.

Please God, Please God, Please God
let this be so!

And then the other thing is....
I've been reading over at Terri's blog
how Bo had passed and it sent me
into sorrow over my own dog having
to be put down and I couldn't even
leave a comment...I didn't know what
to say, and here is this special woman
in my life that I just wanted to hug
hugely and could not.  I felt paralyzed.
And then yesterday I was reading her
blog and she was sharing her story
of Carol and all I could do was cry.
I then went over to Dani's blog and
all I could do was cry, I cried when
Mary included me in as one of her
Sister/Friends, I cry when I read the
wisdom of Pam and so many others.

So what is up with all of this emotional
sorrow I am feeling...it is as if it is
coming up from the very depths of me.
Triggers going off and I find myself
curling up in a ball.  I did not feel at
all well the past few days...Fibromyalgia
can leave one feeling ill-equipped to
handle little...and then all of this crap
on top of it all was just too much. 
So I slept, and then slept some more.

Now all I want is to get on that yacht
with all of my new Sister/Friends I am
making here, within the circle that is
growing, and feel the sunshine on my
skin, feel the air blowing all of this
away from me, smell the salt of the
water, hear the laughter and tears
and stories of my Sister/Friends,
dance, drum, sing and sup with one
another and feel the Holiness from
embracing...embracing change as it
comes to me.  Embrace Akasa...it is
as easy as opening up your arms
and taking it in.  I have sighs in my
bones.

And I am waaay past menopause,
so where, oh where is all this
coming from?

Still the lessons come.

Embrace
Embrace
Embrace