In Sorrow....

I'm having a hard time of it this morning.
I just received a phone call from my
cousin that they are bringing her brother
David home today.  David has Cancer
and now we wait for the end, which is
very near.  Hospice has been called in
to help.

David had actually been given only two
months to live at the end of last year
and has valiantly fought the cancer in
every way that was available to him.
He went through Chemo, and tried this
week to do Radiation but he is at his
end with it and now is not eating or
drinking.  How I hate this friggen
disease.

What I hate even worse is that he is
such a wonderful man...being six years
my younger, there were lots of fun times
growing up at family gatherings, or when
I'd babysit at his house.  It just really
tears at my spirit and I'm feeling so
wistful and full of sorrow right now.

David's Father was extraordinarly mean
and cruel to him as he grew up...and
David was the type of person who was
quiet and internalized much.  I never
heard him complain about anything.
He survived an ugly marriage, gained
custody of his child, bought a home
and almost lost it, and even through
all of that he remained quiet and closed.
I wish somehow that he could have
let it all out, as I believe in my heart of
hearts that all that angst, uneasiness,
and I'm sure fear and anger have remained
housed in his body and now...well, now
the Cancer is eating away at his body.

He doesn't want visitors of any kind and I
understand that.  But I would love to go
over and put my arms around him and hold
him and tell him how much he meant to me.
I've cried a million tears by now over this as
I've known for some time it was coming but
still....

I sent him a card awhile back that I poured
my heart into...I really wanted him
to know how brave a fight he fought in this
life.  He's a warrior of the truest kind in my
eyes and I'm so sad that he is leaving this
Earth Plane and going Home.  I know that
Death is part of Life but that does not make
the Human experience any easier...

So for today David I send up more prayers
for you, that your transition be gentle and painless.
I pray that you are gently picked up by the hands of
our Father and Mother when it is your time and
swiftly brought to your seat at the Feasting Table
to rejoice among those who've gone before you.
I pray that you have forgiven those who've hurt
you, and know that it is about you and not them.
And I pray that you know what a beautiful, brave
and courageous man you've been and I've always
looked up to you even though you are my younger.

I love you David...now and forever.
Godspeed my Brother...