Round and round it goes and
where it stops, nobody knows!
That is how I am feeling this
morning...
I feel open, and wounded, and
raw, and unsettled....
Last evening I called FireKeeper
to say Goodnight, only to find
out that the 'Father' had called
while they were out. He's
coming to pick up FireKeeper on
Friday for the weekend.
I thought CPS had told this
creep to back off and leave his
son alone for a while...but
being the control freak he is,
he is back at his game.
I am trying not to buy into
the self-talk this morning of...
all the past B.S. this guy has
pulled on my Grandson and yet
it is hard to ignore...much
harder still is watching my
Grandson go through it.
Our court systems do not
work in lieu of child protection.
Try as we might and as hard
as we have fought there is
nothing we can do save go
to jail ourselves if we impede
the court order...I am soooo
angry!
So as I was telling FireKeeper
I loved him and to try not to
worry, let the adults in his life
do the worrying (knowing full
well he will worry and rightly
so...), I am screaming and
crying on the inside for the
injustice of this world!!!!!!
I asked him if he was alright
and this wise little man said
very quietly...."I have to face
my fear sometime Grandma."
Oh my Godstars it felt like
my heart was ripping in two...
I'd love to be able to meet out
the justice this 'Father' deserves,
but it would make me no better
than he is...and somewhere deep
within I have come to realize the
wounded soul he is as well.
That makes me cry too.
So at this point I cry out to the
Universe to oversee this meeting.
Keep my Grandson safe from the
physical, emotional, and mindful
abuse from this man...this man
who just happened to procreate
my little man...my hero...and to
bring him home safely to us when
the visiting is done.
It is hard to be spiritually on top
when you feel beaten down but
persevere I will...I have no other
recourse...if I curl up in a ball, I
will never unravel myself and right
now I have to be on top of the game.
Today I don't feel like a Grandma
who Rocks, who is wise, or any
other adjective...I just feel helpless.
How can this world let the little
people...our children go through so
much pain and adversity?
I have to remember then the
Sacred Contracts they wrote to
their earthly family before they
opened the portal to come to
Mother Earth...otherwise it makes
absolutely no sense whatsoever
to me...and it is the only thread
I can weave into my family tapestry
this day....
9 comments:
my heart goes out to you as I can relate with your feelings and pains... yet the comment you made in regards to not feeling like a grandma that rocks I have to refute... You still are and even more so.. Your love for your grandson shone through every word you wrote. Your grandson is strong.. and much of this I think is because of you... Just be there for him when he returns as he will need you again.. give him that unconditional love that a grandma gives so well.. those warm hugs intermingled with your words of wisdom... my thoughts and blessings are with you and him as well
AWS,
I had to go back to your last post to make sure I remembered correctly. I did. So let me say this. You are not only a Grandma who rocks, you are a Grandma who gives rocks. Remind Firekeeper about the worry stone before he leaves on Friday. Having that rock in his pocket will be like having you right there with him. Even when he can't see you, he can touch the rock and feel your love. Make sure he knows how to stay safe, that he knows what is acceptable behavior. Fear might take away his voice. Remind him not to let it.
I will keep you all in prayers this weekend.
Mother Moon...all I feel today is this...my insides feel like jello and rocks tumbling around inside of me...I am trying not to let it be this way but a wave will come over me and it just about takes my breath away...
Yes, he knows how much he is adored and loved by me and that I will always be there for him...I cannot keep him from this pain he is facing but I'd give my life so that he could do without the rage and stupidity of this man who loves to control him and everyone around him...I have never met a more disrespectful human being alive, one with no regard to human life. How the court can let a convicted felon and drug pusher have contact with someone this young is beyond me but because money talks, that is how he gets away with it. We do not have that kind of money to fight to overturn the judges decision but there will come a time in the future that FireKeeper will have his day in court and that day will be his day of victory...I hope I am there to see it!
Thank you for your thoughts and good energies, as they are very much needed at this time...
Much love to You!
Merry...I will remind him of his worry stone...I think he will remember it himself. He has been shown what to do and how to do it by his doctors, the police department, etc...so hopefully that will keep his father in check but the thing I worry about too is the mental abuse this man loves to dish out...he is despicable! (sp?)
I thank you so much for your prayers Dear Heart with all you are going through right now...such a circle we are forming and it is heartwarming and beautiful to behold...I'd love it if we all were closer...what a rockin' circle that would be!
Bless You Dear Heart, Bless You!
Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.
My grandson lives out in Seattle now, and he too is in a situation that as my husband describes it, puts the "dys" into function.
Despite everything and anything he faces, he KNOWS he has a grandma that loves him fiercly, and holds him closely in her heart.
Here's to our brave little men; FireKeeper and Zachary Raven Hawk -powerful medicine names to be with them on their journey.
Dani...I thank you for your prayers and showing up here to support us...it means the world to me.
I agree our Grandsons are brave indeed! I'm also thinking perhaps FireKeeper and I need to do a ceremony to change up his Spirit name...not drawing so much Fire to himself...now is a time for a cooling perhaps...He is very drawn to Dragons as that is the Chinese Year he was born under so I may have to make some suggestions to him...on the other hand maybe FireKeeper will keep his passion lit for now to be free of this whole mess.
I am feeling better this morning..as I know he must walk this path he contracted but my heart yearns to take the pain from him...
We can only hope the intrinsic goodness we have instilled in them goes with them when they leave our sides and know that Great Spirit has their best and highest good already in play...I have to remind myself of this moment by moment.
I had to giggle a little reading your husband's thought as my daughter says "Mom, we are the most functional dysfunctional family I know." Oh Lordy! He He
Bless You Dear Heart for stopping in to share your wisdom with me...
♥
FireKeeper is right about having to face his fears; and with all the abuse in your own life, the same is true for Grandma. Let's not confuse fear and danger here. Fear is inside us -- an emotional reaction -- to danger, which is external. It is wise to be afraid of imminent danger, and it's a good time to remind FireKeeper of whatever plan is in place to protect him -- who to call, where to go if he needs to remove himself from abuse. As unfair as it seems, the adults in his life can do their best to protect him from danger; but FireKeeper is absolutely correct about the fear part -- it is his to face. Keep on helping him find his personal power so that he can stand in the face of his fear and still make a good decision.
I know how hard this is. Love and many hugs!
Yes Pam...we went over all of these things again last evening and I reminded him of his Inner Strength in all of this.
This morning in my prayertime I began by praying for healing for his father too...so that he comes to the full realization of the beautiful life he helped create in his son. I must draw vibrational energy that empowers all in this situation so that we can see the bigger picture in all of it.
Thank You for your words of wisdom Sister...
I am much calmer this morning and calling in the Peace that passes understanding.
Namaste'
I was about to offer up yet another prayer for your own peace. Opted to read the other comments first. It appears you have a holy army here with you, Beautiful One. And so I shall save all other offerings but for one:
LOVE your baby. And love his father. Hard as it may be at the moment, it is the ONLY power you have in this regard. Use it. Let go your fear. I 'feel' that Firekeeper has...brave little soul that he is. And remember: we all CHOOSE before we get 'here'. He has made his choices. And so have you. Blessings, my friend. Blessings, hugs and love.
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